


It's All About Sex, Baby. Also, Masturbation.

by Hadelli



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Meetings, M/M, also: sex-education, warnings for overused teacher!blaine trope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-06
Updated: 2013-11-06
Packaged: 2017-12-31 16:56:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1034079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hadelli/pseuds/Hadelli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr. A is the best sex-ed teacher this school has ever seen, if you ask Star Lily Berry. </p><p>Kurt would think so too, if he didn't cause awkward dinner conversations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's All About Sex, Baby. Also, Masturbation.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I recently thought about Klaine becoming parents and how they would educate their kids about the whole sex-thing. Who would behave what way and stuff. Instead, this happened. 
> 
> Also inspired by this article:   
> http://freedomoutpost.com/2013/08/is-4th-grade-sex-education-in-wisconsin-public-schools-going-to-include-lessons-on-masturbation/
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and any and all feedback is appreciated! :)

They’re having dinner as they do every evening; Kurt has tried this new pumpkin curry recipe and by the expression on Lily’s face it was be the only time he got to try it. He’s running out of ideas how to keep her (and Rachel’s) diet at least marginally healthy and diverse.

Of course, they don’t comment on it; Lily being the sweetheart that she is and Rachel knowing that she of all people is not allowed to judge his cooking when she’s the one who burns water if he ever lets her near the stove.

Even though they can’t appreciate his culinary efforts, Kurt cannot help but smile at their little domestic bliss. It might not be exactly what he’d dreamed of when he was 16 and still stuck in Ohio but it’s still pretty darn great.

At least until Lily opens her mouth.

“Kurt, do you have any lube?”

Kurt splutters out his curry, spitting some pumpkin into his napkin that he luckily put over his pants while Rachel grins around her spoon.

Her lack of a more forceful reaction makes him think that she was aware this topic might come up. He turns to glare at her but Rachel just shrugs. “She has sex-ed now. She’s asked me a bunch of weird stuff; it’s only fair you get your share now.”

Sex-ed? Why would a 9-year-old need sex-education? Especially one that includes vocabulary like _lube_ , for god’s sake?

“Why would you ask that, honey?”

Kurt is thinking of all the ways he can distract Lily; should he mention that he made her favourite chocolate-chip cookies for after dinner?

But Lily has her determined Rachel-face on and Kurt knows resistance is futile. “You’re gay, aren’t you? And Mr. A said that gay people sometimes use lube when they have sexual intercourse. And when I asked about it, he said it’s a kind of fluid, but stickier. And I was wondering if you had some and if I could touch it. Because it just sounds weird.”

Rachel’s grin is kind of smug and mean and Kurt kicks her underneath the table, just because he can. She doesn’t even flinch.

“I- I don’t have lube, honey, sorry. You know I don’t have a boyfriend. And- therefore I don’t have.. sexual intercourse and don’t need any lube. Sorry.”

Rachel’s eyebrows couldn’t rise any higher on her forehead if they tried but Lily just looks genuinely disappointed.

“But don’t you masturbate? Mr. A said that men also use it when they masturbate.”

“That’s a good question, Lily. Kurt, tell us, don’t you masturbate? And if you do, what do you use if you don’t have any lube?”

Kurt tries to kick Rachel again but this time she’s prepared and moves her legs to the left and out of his reach. He will have to punish her later then.

“Who even is this Mr. A? A new teacher? Because I don’t think it’s necessary for you to know about masturbation, Lil.”

Lily looks as put out as only a 9-year-old can. “I’m old enough to know about it. Mr. A said that there are no silly questions about sex. He says it’s okay to talk about it. Maybe _you_ are too childish to talk about it.”

“Mr. Anderson is a new teacher at her school. He’s a sweetheart; Lily has a crush on him already. He took over sex-ed from Mrs. Ruling and apparently everyone is really excited about his approach”, Rachel adds, winking at him when he frowns some more.

“Well. Apparently I am too childish because I won’t discuss my masturbation habits with you two ladies. It’s okay to ask questions, Lily, always. But it’s also okay to not want to answer them if you are uncomfortable. You should never feel like you have to talk about sex. Or, actually, like you have to have sex. At all. _Ever_. Okay?”

Lily looks mollified, nodding and pushing the plate with at least ¾ of the food still on it away from her.

“Is it also okay to say that I’m still not a fan of pumpkins?”

Kurt grins and nods. “Do you want me to make you a sandwich?”

He’s already standing, making his way over to the kitchen.

“Me too, please”, Rachel yells after him and Kurt rolls his eyes and gets out the bread.

* * *

  
He forgets about their little conversation until he picks Lily up from school one day and she is all bright-eyed and blushing and talking to her friend about “Mr. A” when she leaves the classroom.  
  
Kurt smells his chance and slips into the classroom, telling Lily to get her coat and wait outside for him.

The teacher is sitting on his desk, guitar in his lap and Kurt’s first impression is that he’s adorable.

He’s wearing red pants, a black polo and a red and black striped bowtie; his hair is neatly gelled but the first curls are already escaping after a long school day.

Determined, Kurt makes his way over, dodging a few kids who are still lingering at their tables.

“Hi, I’m sorry if I’m catching you at an inopportune time but I just wanted to talk to you for a moment. I’m Kurt Hummel, I’m-“

“Lily’s dad, of course”, the guy interrupts him, beaming at him and sticking out his hand in greeting, which Kurt takes, letting himself mirror the smile.

“I’ve heard so much about you. I’m Blaine Anderson, I’m Lily’s music teacher.” Which explains the guitar that Mr. Anderson puts aside with the hand that’s not still holding Kurt’s.

“-and sex-ed teacher, right?”

The teacher nods knowingly and finally drops Kurt’s hand. “I’ve had a few parents come talk to me; I actually really appreciate any feedback I can get. Lily is a really bright girl. Very curious.”

He grins like he’s thinking about a secret joke and Kurt asks himself just what on earth Lily has told him. In sex-ed-class. Oh god.

“Lily told me she talked to you at home about our class; do you have any questions about the lessons or-?” the guy continues when Kurt doesn’t immediately begin the conversation, too busy thinking about all the things Lily could have asked this Mr. A about the gay sex he’s not having.

“Yes, she did. She actually asked me about lube and masturbation and I just- I mean-“, he’s stumbling over the words and blushing like a 13-year-old; even Lily is cooler when it comes to talking about sex.

Mr. A moves to sit cross-legged on the table; his face open and free of judgement as if he’s waiting for Kurt to ask some _more_ questions about gay sex.

He takes a deep breath and continues. “I think it’s amazing that you get the kids to open up about sex, and all it entails, it shouldn’t be a taboo. But- Lily is only nine. Is it really necessary to tell her about masturbation or lube? I appreciate that you include gay sex in your classes, but-“

“It’s what I know best.”

Kurt stares, effectively cut off and Mr. Anderson’s eyes widen while he blushes prettily. “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I swear I’m not that inappropriate with the kids. It just slipped out. Sorry.”

He’s ducking his head and Kurt bites his lip to keep from smiling at this adorable, adorable creature. So much for giving Mr. A a piece of his mind.

“It’s okay. I mean, I really hope, for Lily’s sake and the other kids’, that you don’t tell them about all the gay sex that you know about-“, he’s teasing and using his flirty voice and he can’t stop himself, especially when Mr. A, _Blaine_ , groans and puts his face in his hands.

“Don’t worry. I haven’t really been as smooth about this as I thought I would be. Lily is saying _sex_ more comfortably than I am. I just wanted to make sure you’re not telling the kids all about lube and masturbation and _sexual relations_ and forgetting the important lessons they should learn early on.”

Blaine finally lifts his head again and looks at Kurt, intrigued.

“Which would be?” he asks, looking comfortable and interested again.

Kurt shrugs a little and glances at the door where Lily and Samantha are laughing and doing some catwalk-strutting in the corridor.

“That they matter. That sex matters. That it’s a way for two people to connect, not only for the purpose of getting off.”

He shrugs again, a little uncomfortable, but when he finally meets Blaine’s eyes he only finds appreciation in them.

“You seem like an amazing dad, Mr. Hummel”, is all Blaine has to offer, still looking like Kurt is some kind of magician. Or maybe a unicorn. Kurt grins a bit.

“I’m not actually her dad. I’m- well, her mom is my best friend and she’s a single parent and we live next door to each other, so-“

“You’re her dad. She refers to you as her dad. She has told me all about you and how you make her costumes and feed her and her mom and have tea parties with her. You’re her dad in all the ways it matters.”

Now it’s Kurt’s turn to duck his head, a pleased smile on his face. Rachel and Lily _are_ family, but it’s not often that someone understands or approves of their little arrangement.

When he looks up again, Blaine is still watching him in amazement.

“I also want you to know that I am taking good care of Lily. I would never teach them that sex isn’t a big deal. I wouldn’t even have talked about lube or masturbation but she said her dad was gay and had _a lot_ of questions. Especially when she learned that I am gay too.”

Kurt nods, inexplicably reassured. Well, not so inexplicably. Blaine Anderson just charmed his pants off with his genuineness. Kurt kind of wishes he had charmed them off literally. Or that it wouldn’t be tremendously unethical to ask him out.

Catwalk-time seems to be over because Lily choses that moment to stick her head in the door.

“Are you done? Did you ask him to marry you?”

Both Kurt and Blaine splutter at that and turn to look at her, aghast.

“Why would I ask your teacher to marry me?”

Even while the words leave his mouth, Kurt knows it’s a mistake.

“Because you’re both smoking hot, at least that’s what mom said. She also said that you need to get laid, Kurt. And that you should snatch Mr. A up if she and I can’t.” Lily shrugs, unaware of the tension in the room.  “Samantha’s mom picked her up so I’m going to read until you’re done.”

And with that, she’s out of the room, leaving the two men alone to stare at the door.

 “I guess it’s my turn to apologize for being inappropriate. Even if it wasn’t me but Lily. And her mom. I’m going to have a talk with Rachel about what’s appropriate to discuss with your kid.”

When he finally chances a look at the teacher, Blaine is grinning again, waving a hand at Kurt’s apology.

“That’s not necessary. At least she called me smoking hot. And I’ve met Rachel at the last parents’ evening. She’s a sweetheart.”

“She’s dead, that’s what she is”, Kurt murmurs and Blaine grins even more, finally uncrossing his legs and standing up in front of Kurt.

“I actually think she’s right”, he says, watching Kurt’s eyes carefully like he might run away at any moment.

“You think you’re smoking hot?” Kurt asks stupidly, overwhelmed with how close Blaine suddenly is, looking at him intently.

Blaine shakes his head and takes a step closer and Kurt notices that he’s a bit shorter than Kurt himself and that his eyelashes are criminally long. He focuses on what Blaine is saying to not embarrass himself even further.

“I think _we’re_ smoking hot. And I think you should _totally_ snatch me up.”

He’s winking in a way that’s more dorky and less seductive but Kurt is smitten nonetheless.

“Wouldn’t that, like, totally go against your ethical guidelines or something?”

He has to ask. Not that he really cares, but it’s only proper to ask if he could get this guy fired for dating a parent.

But Blaine only shrugs and offers a sly smile.  
“You just told me that you’re not actually her dad. So I don’t see how it would be unethical to date a guy that’s friendly with the mom of one of my kids.”

He looks like an 8-year-old who’s figured out where the Christmas presents are hidden, all excited and smug. Kurt wants to kiss him. He laughs instead and shakes his head.

“Okay. So. Blaine Anderson. Music and sex-ed teacher of my not-daughter. Would you like to go out some time?”

“With you?” Blaine asks; eyes all wide, full of surprise and innocence.

Kurt rolls his own in return. “With me. There’s this musical a friend of mine is starring in that we could watch. Get some dinner after. I could tell you all about how I convinced said friend not to call her daughter star and how she’s now a star lily instead. Or about that time this girl asked me about my masturbation habits.”

Blaine grins broadly, hooking his arm around Kurt’s and leading him to the door.

“That sounds like the best date I’ll ever have, Mr. Hummel.”


End file.
